Got a sweetie and want to take her away from it all, but short on funds and time? Whisk her off for an all expense paid, exotic White Trash Honeymoon.
Pack your gaudiest clothes. This includes loud Hawaiian shirts, those orange leggings she bought 10 years ago, hoop earrings, and barely-there jeans (the irreparable ones with 80 holes with fringe dangling from them).
Borrow a clunky car (bonus points if you already own one). It's heightens the effect. Be sure to include the naked woman mud flaps to the back tires. You want to show your lady how classy you can be.
Make it fun. Tell her you've just committed a horrible crime and need to lay low for a while. You just had to swing by and pick her up because you love her too much to leave her behind. Come up with aliases for the trip. She'll call you Dom and you've named her Lucille.
Assuming she's a good sport and will go along with the gag, drive three towns over from yours. Make sure it's a small, rinky-dink town. Find the cheapest motel that isn't part of a chain. It should have a name like "Pine Inn" or "Lucky's Lodge." She'll be impressed if the place has HBO AND ESPN.
Pick up some burgers from a popular fast food establishment. Drive back to the motel and sit down to some fine dining. Dim the lights, turn on the tube, and dine with your lady to the glow of the television. Tell her she looks radiant in the light. If she questions you, keep up the act and explain that you want to see if the news mentions you.
Wondering what kind of crime you would be capable of committing has no doubt gotten her motor running. Girls always go for bad boys. Show her you're the baddest of them all.
Want a night on the town? Tell your honey to get all dolled up in her fanciest (trashiest if you packed it right) and take her to a dive bar nearby. When a fella tries to hit on her, threaten to rearrange his face outside. Once you regain consciousness, your girl will feel pleased that you fought for her honor. To celebrate, find the local tattoo parlor and get each other's names tattooed in an unmentionable place.
After a couple of days of passion in the sleazy room, sneak out and tell her that you're going out for smokes. While she's puzzling over when you could've picked up smoking with your asthma, find a pay phone and call a friend. Ask them to call the motel room and tell your girl that the coast is clear and you can return home.
Once you return home, you might choose to 'fess up about your little adventure. Especially if she begins to question you and looks for missing friends. She'll appreciate your effort, your thriftiness, and your creativity, feeling like she's lived in a bad movie plot for a weekend. You'll come out looking like a hero instead of a tightwad or an idiot with the added bonus of getting action while saving money.
Everybody wins. And don't worry, that black eye will heal in a week or so.
