In the on-going search to find that shining star, a soulmate, that one great love, the fun has been sucked out. Some of us have become to critical, rejecting everyone because of one small thing or another. "That guy slurps his soup." "She has unsightly bulges on her thighs and buttocks." "He's an ex-convict." While others have become miserable serial monogamists. And dating, which used to be fun and adventurous, is now as exciting as college calculus class with a Ben Stein clone acting as professor. So, it is in light of this that I have devised a little game. It's a fun game, sort of like roadkill bingo. And, if you're lucky, it could be "co-ed" and "naked."
Before settling down with the next person who enters the room, you must be aware that there are certain types of people that one should experience first.
The Rules: Be prepared to dump the fella at any time. Do not expect him to be Mr. Right. Deduct points if you fall in love. No fling should last more than six months.
Point System: 100 points for each type you snag. 200 points for one-night rendezvous.
Contestants:
1. The Artist.
Not talking about the one formerly known as Prince. Whether a writer, painter, or musician, his soul is tortured and he must be known. The artist is passionate and moody. Some perks on dating the artist: he'll write poetry for you, he'll paint you, he'll serenade you outside your apartment. And if he becomes famous, you can sell his stuff on ebay. When you leave him, he'll still be inspired by you (but his tone may be a little different).
2. The Sexy Foreigner.
Everyone should have a fling with at least one person who doesn't speak their native tongue. I'm not advocating that you turn your bedroom into the World Showcase at EPCOT (although, that would give new meaning to O Canada). But it is important to improve upon relations with other countries and break down barriers.
3. The Geek.
Admittedly, computer nerds are not exactly the sexiest men on the planet. His discourse on Visual Basic and debates on Intel are liable to become boring after a while. The good thing is he has good hand/eye coordination and will fix your computer. This is where Cosmo would add "And you never know what he's hiding in his pocket protector." (I've seen the inside of pocket protectors. Nothing but pens and business cards. So if you're looking for condoms or nudie playing cards, check his back pack or fanny pack.)
4. The Biker.
Michelle Pfeiffer wanted a "Cool Rider" and rightfully so. What better way to travel the road to romance than from the back of a Harley? Indulge in your rebellious phase and find a Fonzie who's guaranteed to make you say "aaay." And if you're lucky, you might find a chivalrous Hell's Angel who will get into a bar brawl over you (always a self-esteem booster.)
5. The Intellectual.
He'll woo you with quotes from passages from Sartre and his analysis of classic literature could make things steamy, if you're a librarian. This one is good to take to the parents, to show them you're making some use of your college education.
6. The Filmmaker.
He's different from the Artist because he's not as tortured. Most likely, he still holds his job as Assistant Manager at the video store. While your role in his first movie may not be anything to put on a resume, you can still enjoy fine free movie rentals.
Now, once you've finished your fling with one of the above types, mark them off of your scorecard. Double points are awarded if you manage to hook up with a Geeky Intellectual or Artistic Biker. When your card is completed, you'll then be free to continue on your quest for the perfect mate. What? You were thinking maybe a free trip to Tahiti? We don't have that kind of budget.
(Disclaimer: For entertainment purposes only. Any sexist connotations are coincedental and not meant to offend any male readers. Should you feel gyped after reading this article, feel free to seek out a blond in a tube top and mark her off your scorecard. 300 points if she works in the porn industry.)
