In the Kuboran tribe, a young warrior is asked to step forward and partake in sacred ceremonies that will forever make him a man amongst the people. The ceremony normally occurs somewhere between the young warrior's sixteenth and eighteenth birthdays and is a religious and spiritual rite that is shrouded in mystery. It is a test that he must face with his wits and strength.
Apart from some religious ceremonies for pubescent boys, the modern crossover from boyhood to manhood is blurred and rarely celebrated. Becoming a man is much more than sprouting that first chest hair or being able to drink your body weight in beer without puking. As the touted stronger sex, you must be able to prove yourself in a variety of situations. While it's not as necessary for you to venture into a gory battle to the death with a grizzly bear, there are certain survival skills you shouldn‘t be without and tests you should put yourself through. Here are ten of those skills and tests you can use as a guide to reach your own manhood.
Balance your checkbook. Tribal men of ancient times probably didn't have bank accounts, but they did have to make sure they had enough pelts under their beds to pay the fire bill. Keep your finances in order and you lessen the risk of monetary woes.
Change a flat tire. Automotive and mechanical knowledge will prove worthwhile. The ability to repair your own car can spare you from getting stuck on deserted highways or in the wilderness. If you ran into a bear while hoofing it back to civilization, the bear would have a new car.
Know how to orally pleasure a woman. In order to receive, you must be able to give. Some tribes required boys to give it up for their mother. At least you have a choice of who you can practice your technique on. Become an expert in this area and you may not need any other skills.
Do your own laundry. The man who commands the most respect is he who dons the cleanest threads. It is a sad and lonely man who carries his foul laundry to his mother.
Ask for directions. No matter which direction it is pointing, your penis is not a compass. A wise man knows when to pull over and look at the map.
Do one thing that scares you shitless. Go naked skydiving. Ask out the best looking woman in the room. Join the circus. Conquering your biggest fears gives you the added self-confidence you need to succeed in life.
Go on a road trip. The road to self-discovery is littered with strip clubs and chain restaurants. Follow your bliss and find your exit ramp. Go alone and you don't have to shower.
Call a woman the next day. A brave man has the courage to make good on his promise to call, even to tell her he's not interested. He will gain the respect of a woman, if not a second date.
Learn to cook. Man must eat in order to survive and maintain his strength. Cooking, while not a required skill in this age of fast food and microwaveables, can be a handy skill to have in case the microwave dies or your girlfriend wants French toast from scratch.
Get into a bar brawl. A bar fight is a great test of speed and dexterity. It is also completely unnecessary, but scars from scuffs are more impressive to share with drinking buddies than your clean underwear.
Get all of that down and you can make the world your bitch. To achieve total manhood, you must develop a certain amount of self-reliance and self-confidence. Those are the key ingredients to being a responsible adult. If you don’t succeed in most of these areas, you won’t be sacrificed and tossed into the nearest volcano, but you could end up living in your parents’ basement for the rest of your life. Have you already reached manhood? Congratulations! There will be an oral exam later. Consult your local girlfriend for times and durations.
