Love. I want to talk about this certain four-letter word. It's a word that is potentially dangerous and can have serious repercussions upon using it. Some of you may have heard about it or seen it on television. Some of your parents may have been in love. You may have already been in love yourself.
Now television shows and movies want us to believe love is groovy, swell, "da bomb." Hollywood has glamorized it for us. Love is beautiful, love is grand, love can make the world go 'round. Michael Bolton says that love is a wonderful thing and can make you smile through the pouring rain. But who's going to trust a man who has bad hair?
Tune out the hype and listen up. Love is a full-time addiction. Oh, it starts out small with a seemingly harmless crush. But soon, you're hooked and looking for something stronger. You're enamored, lustful, and filled with desire, all leading up to the hardest drug of all: l'amour. And boy, can it be dangerous. Look at and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, or any couple on the Jerry Springer show.
Love can happen at any time, in any place, but it most commonly occurs in the spring. Mr. or Ms. Wonderful enters your life and it begins. You discover that you enjoy the same type of music and motion pictures. You find your special Celine Dion song on the jukebox at the local diner. Things are going great and there is a great deal of swooning and baby talk. But soon, he needs more. She needs a commitment. You're lost in a moment and it slips out. "I love you." And it's such a rush to say it. You say it again followed by empty promises of forever. You believe in it, like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus or that the Cubs will win the World Series.
You'll find yourself latched onto a person and losing interest in other things, like eating, bathing or working. Sure, it's great at first, like any high. But soon you find yourself in a loop of questions. "Where is he? What's she doing? Who's he with? Will he call me today? What will we do tonight? Does she love me as much as I love her? Will he always love me? Will I get laid?" This is often followed by unexplainable rashes, nausea, and a host of very annoyed friends.
It causes you to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do, like serenade a woman outside her apartment building on a moonlit night, leave the toilet seat down, or rummage through bargain basements searching for Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits.
Love has been the leading cause of marriages, making out in parked cars, suicides, and bad poetry by 13 year-old girls. But even armed with the knowledge of the side effects, people still insist upon falling in love. And no rehab clinic or 12-step program can cure it. So my mission, and I do choose to accept it, is to prevent love from spreading further and causing even more damage.
Therefore, I propose the "Just Say No to Love" campaign. Make the youngsters aware of love and its harmful side effects, frightening pitfalls, and dangers. Together, we can save some lives and restore some semblance of sanity to the world. If you or someone you know has the following symptoms: loss of appetite, sleeplessness, glazed-over eyes, aloofness, and a fondness for Michael Bolton music, they may be in love. Either that or they were kicked out at last call. Act quickly, get help, and just say no.
