It's that time again. Another big fight leads to another break-up speech. You brush off the dust from the old "we can still be friends" rap. Hearts are broken, lawsuits are avoided, and restraining orders are sufficiently in tact.
A wise man once said that ending a relationship is not an easy task. But the question I have to ask is, why are we such pansies at breaking up? Why is it my job to pacify the one person that I'd rather not be with anymore? He's not going to walk away a better person by thinking he's perfect and that leaving toenail clippings on the living room floor is okay. Should he be spared the truth just because he might cry? Is it the guilt of knowing that there's a chance that he'll jump off a building if this break-up reflects badly on him? But then, if he's the type to jump off buildings, is that really someone I want to stay involved with? If honesty is the key to a good relationship, it should also be the key to a good break-up.
I'd like to take this time to break down some of the more popular, passive break-up lines.
1. "It's not you, it's me." Translation: It is you, but I don't have the guts to admit it to you.
If you're ending a relationship with someone, it's not usually because you had an epiphany that you are emotionally crippled and lack the ability to carry on with meaningful relationships. It's because you've rationalized that he is the emotional cripple and he can't have meaningful relationships. Self-discovery comes later, generally with a bottle of vodka and a bartender on a slow, Wednesday night.
2. "I think we should see other people." Translation: I've been seeing other people for about six months and I think it's time you should, too.
Come on. No one wakes up one morning, turns to their lover, and just decides to say, "Hey, I think we should see other people now!" You've already found someone new. Just admit to it before you end up on Sally Jesse Raphael in a bad wig.
3. "You deserve someone better than me." Translation: I'm tired of picking up your dirty underwear off the floor.
We're not talking about better in general. We're talking about better for him. This could be "You need someone who doesn't mind cleaning up after you or listening to you whine. Someone who will care for your hamster, while you obsess over your DVD collection."
4. "We've grown apart." Translation: You have the maturity of a four year old.
She's thrown so many hissy fits; you can't see her as anything more than a child. And that creeps you out. This is not limited to emotional growth. There could have been some kind of freak experiment that caused her to become 10 feet tall, which instills a feeling of inadequacy in you.
5. "I need my space." Translation: Go home.
This line can be the equivalent to having a Siamese twin removed. Hopefully both of you survive the process. If the process is unsuccessful, can you say "restraining order"?
6. "I've changed." Translation: I can't pretend to like professional wrestling anymore.
This could be true. People actually do change. As in "I've changed my feelings for you" or "I've changed lovers and I'm just now telling you."
Breaking up should be a positive, rewarding experience. In a successful termination of a relationship, both parties can learn from their mistakes, correct flaws, and move on to the next pursuit slightly better. And if he's honest about how your talking about him behind his back always annoyed him, then you've got more stories to tell your friends. Everybody wins and everybody loves a happy ending.
