Love at First Sniff: Pheromones and You

Relationships inevitably fail. Sometimes it ends because your partner likes to wear your underwear or insists on using sock puppets as sex toys. But sometimes you can blame it on body chemistry.

Kick off the stiletto heels and cancel the plastic surgery, take a shower instead. Apparently, we have glands that produce this stuff called pheromones, which if used correctly, can attract a new lover better than any tight sweater.

Pheromone is the term for that certain odor emitted to alert passers-by of our sexual availability. The scent is released through the armpits, but no amount of deodorant can mask it. Let that be your excuse next time you forgot to take a shower.

Scientists have been aware of the subliminal scent in animals and insects for years. In recent years they discovered humans are also driven by odors. Certain odors can accelerate puberty, control the menstrual cycle, influence sexual orientation, and tell you when it's time to do laundry.

Research says the chemical structure of these pheromones is unknown. Studies have failed to determine whether men exude pheromones that affect fertility. One theory holds that simultaneous ovulation in a group of women helped in prehistoric times to promote genetic diversity, since one man couldn't impregnate everyone in the group (though Lord knows he tried).

Unattractive women can rest knowing that she still has a chance with men as long as they have clear nasal passages. The smells of copulins (volatile fatty acids in their vaginal secretions... blech) make optical attractiveness less of a factor for males. So does taking off his glasses and stepping on them.

Insects have been using their pheromones for mating purposes for years. A female of the codling moth raises her abdomen, protruding her sex gland, and takes this calling posture for a short period in the early evening hours. Codling moth males casting through the apple orchards will eventually be caught in the plume of a calling female, get aroused and steer upwind until they find her and mate with her. Human males casting through the streets after midnight may be caught in the plumage of a female from a different calling.

Body chemistry changes as you grow older. Sometimes your pH might not be balanced. Like magnets, you'll find that your partner’s 'mones repel you rather than attract . I'm fairly certain that my current relationship might be based primarily on body chemistry. Onlookers may agree. His cologne is very compatible with my parfum. Once my levels change, our eau de toilettes may clash and create a foul odor and offend all that surrounds us. When that happens, unpleasantries may be exchanged and our "feelings" will dissipate. At that point, we will agree to move on and smell other people.

WebMD says: "We usually smell best to a person whose genetically based immunity to disease differs most from our own. This could benefit you in the long run, making for stronger, healthier children." So if you're in the market for an infertile, sickly partner, go for the person who smells like bad eggs and shoes.

Does this newfound knowledge give you the right to ditch that dud just because he lets one rip? Only if he's over 30 and still finds it funny or he asks you pull his finger first.