Men, I'm about to strip you of the one romantic device you rely so heavily on. Not *that*. That's another column for another writer. And the fact that you might refer to it as your "romantic device" is just creepy. But I digress. This week I speak of roses.
Some say that roses are romantic. Others say only jerks give roses. It's a little of both, but without a card, the meaning can be misconstrued.
For example, among established couples, the rose has become the official "I'm sorry" flower. If you're a woman (or just on the receiving end), it's the "What'd you do this time?" flower. If you're prone to giving roses every time you make a faux pas, maybe it's time to give up your mistress.
Say you've just started seeing someone. You want to show her that you're interested, so you have roses sent to her place of business. This sends two messages.
1) "I'm a big spender." This might lead one to expect more lavish and expensive gifts.
2) "I'm Susie's new boy toy."
Sending roses to a gal at work sparks office gossip. This can put pressure on your interest. She'll feel the need to create stories about you in the break room. Her boss will expect her to bring you along to office functions. You may be inadvertently referred to as her husband.
So, if you're lacking in the money department, roses certainly aren't the way to go. And if office party orgies aren't your idea of a fun time, have your gifts sent elsewhere. If you do enjoy company functions, try having yourself delivered to the office. This adds a personal touch that could make your interest swoon. And if it's Valentine's Day or her birthday, try arriving nude to spice things up.
Here's one thing to avoid when sending roses. Do not enclose a note reading: "This bouquet symbolizes our love." Yeah, great. A bunch of flowers ripped from their roots and wrapped in plastic delivered to me to rot in my fridge for two weeks. How nice. This says, "Our love, like these roses, is expensive and will eventually rot and die."
You may be asking yourself "Well, if I can't send roses, what can I do?" Be creative. Let your personality shine through. Write her a song, make a collage of places you've been together (start saving those ticket stubs and bar napkins), or film a dramatization of how horrible your life was before she entered it. Just show her how much of a sentimental fool you are.
However, if you lack personality... well, that's why Hallmark was created. And a note, if you've just met the girl, the short film may not be the best idea. Unless you want to be known as Mr. Creepy Man. Perhaps a potted plant might be better.
Keep in mind, some women love roses. For them, it's their main purpose for living and loving. Others, like me, loathe them with a passion. So, you may want to ask her stance on it. It's one of those important questions, like birth control preference and musical tastes. Remember, every rose has its thorns.
