Once upon a time, there was a guy (let's call him you) in a bar looking to score. You made a wish into your second beer to hook up with a hot chick and her equally attractive best friend. By your seventh beer, you agreed to settle for the first female to meet your desperate gaze. Suddenly, the beer fairy grants your wish and places you in the middle of a sexy babe sandwich. Both girls are incredibly beautiful, very drunk, and totally into you. Somehow you wind up back at your place for nasty naked fun. After you've fully satisfied both women, you put them both in a magical cab that will take them far, far away and you fall asleep happily ever after.
The threesome is one of man's biggest fantasies, and what a fantasy it is! But if you were to take the time to consider the reality of a threesome, factoring in the true (and sometimes frightening) nature of women, you'd think twice about acting on your fantasy.
One point to keep in mind when casting yourself as the stud, women require a certain amount of attention in order to reach satisfaction. It takes the average woman eight minutes to reach orgasm, provided she's properly aroused at the time. Do the math. That's a lot of baseball trivia and naked grandma imagery to endure.
Watch any episode of Elimidate and you'll find that most women become catty and rivalrous for the attention of a man. The competitiveness might kick up the kink factor with the "anything she can do, I can do better" game, but it could also lead to a catfight of Springer proportions. Yeah, that might be fun to watch for a few minutes, but eventually you’ll need to turn the hose on them. And then you’ll have to break up the death match.
Imagine this, one night you're just casually sowing your wild oats. The next day, you're greeted with an answering machine full of proclamations of undying love. In your dream, I bet you left little room to get to know the girls personally. They probably don't even have faces. So, either one (or both) could be completely loony the day after. While having two beautiful women vying for your affection is flattering, having two crazy women sneaking into your apartment to steal locks of hair is scarier than getting raped by a group of backwoods rednecks. Thank goodness you don't have morning after threesome dreams.
Let's say you're in a relationship and you're adorable, wonderful girlfriend bends to your pleas for a threesome... as long as she gets to pick the girl. Graciously thank her, but decline. Remember that competitiveness? It's a sure bet that your woman isn't going to allow one of her pretty friends (unless she has an interest in her pretty friend) into your bed. She doesn't want you to find someone more attractive than her. No, she'll recruit the chubby friend, the one with a nice personality and a fabulous sense of humor.
So you see, you should never let the women outnumber you. Sure, you could double your pleasure and your fun, but you could also double the torment and desire to gouge your eyes out with a spork. Unless you happen upon a pair of gorgeous mute twins willing to throw themselves at you, you’d be wise to leave the threesome act to your dreams and the fine porn professionals. If you do manage to score a threesome, have a buddy on call to bail you out or provide backup. The last thing you want is two pissy women in your bed. Just call your pal with the largest beer gut, you know, the one with the great sense of humor. Add water and you’ll have the makings of an orgy and everyone wins in an orgy.
