It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, whatever line you are in will always be slower and longer than any other line. And forget about switching lines because that one will automatically move slower than the previous line. Lines do not discriminate. Lines know not of race, gender, or creed. They just know single file. The purpose of lines is to further deter you from whatever it is you'd rather be doing or wherever you need to be.
I think the law of lines should be a valid excuse for showing up late for work. "I'm sorry, Mr. Peterson. I would've been here earlier, but I was standing in line." In a perfect world, the boss would just nod knowingly and give a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
Have you ever been standing in line for something like the ATM machine or the post office and the person behind you is standing a little too close? Doesn't he know the two foot rule? We all need two feet of personal space. I want to turn around to him and say, "Hey buddy, you may want to take two big steps back. I had Mexican for lunch."
The distant cousin of the line is the traffic light. Traffic lights only let so many people through to annoy you. The people in the helicopters, they aren't monitoring traffic, they're altering the traffic lights. And don't you hate sitting at a red light when you're the only car at the intersection? I just run it. "What do you mean that wasn't a stop sign, officer? Was I supposed to wait for three other cars before running it?
We, as a society, seem to have lost patience in waiting or being put on hold. And I hate being put on hold.
If you just stood in line all day to buy a coffee machine and sat through three red lights on the way home only to open it up and find it doesn't work, forget it. Take a nap. Don't call the 800 help line unless you've got some vacation time saved up. The customer service representative that answers will no doubt put you on hold. Hang up. Go watch paint dry. It's a trick. You think they're patching you through to someone who knows something about the product. Meanwhile, he's telling a nearby coworker what a moron you are and you're forced to listen to a cheerful recording describing all the exciting things you can do with your new coffee maker. And you might actually be interested if the damn thing worked in the first place. Just hang up. Save yourself the stress.
And after you hang up, another representative will call you. If you call them, they won't talk. But if they call you, it's because they've got something to sell you, and not very well. I understand the little guy's just doing his job telling me about AT&T's new long distance plan, but he's not selling me on it. There's no personality. These companies hire representatives with the least amount of personality. In the ads, it says, "High school diploma preferred. No personality required. Annoying persistence a plus." Trying to tell this guy that I don't want what he's selling is worse than breaking up with someone. "I'm sorry. I'm seeing another long distance company. It's not you, it's me. I hate change and all you want is for me to change." But what I should say is, "I have to go now. There's a line I'm not standing in."
